Roller Coaster Ride

So, it has been awhile since I have written. Things have REALLY been a roller coaster ride lately. The kids and I got moved back to town. It is so much nicer being 2 miles from work rather than 22 miles! Rylen has been very insecure and kinda "needy" lately, which I think is due to the divorce and moving. I am hoping we can get that worked out soon though. Alyssa has been a wonderful help, but then again she has been throwing me her teen attitude at times. I know she is growing up, but I truly think we have a tough time with our teens because when they turn 18 we won't feel as bad about them moving out on their own! I am joking, well kinda.

I have been working on "finding myself" and I am not sure, some days I don't like what I am finding! Some days I am a moody, emotional wreck. Some days I am the strong, backboned, independent woman I have always tried to be. I like that person, although there are times I want someone to tell me it will all be alright and I won't have to go through it by myself and they will be there with me. I am just not sure I want the baggage that comes with it.

I have decided one thing....I refuse to go through another divorce in this lifetime. I will not, I repeat, will NOT get married again unless I am positive it is THE person, because I will not go through this again.

I do think things are getting better though, because I don't find myself wondering what if and I don't get near as upset about seeing him in town or hearing from mutual friends what he is doing now r if he was seen with someone in town. I was always good at fakin it not bothering me, but I am realizing it isn't hurting my heart and causing me to want to throw up when I hear it. That has to be progress!

So, this has even been a roller coaster of a blog tonight. But I feel better now. I think this is the best therapy I could ever pay for (and it is free!)